Self-Destruction
by ZephyrFlyer
Summary: Feliks is starving. Arthur can see things that others can't. Alfred cuts himself to deal with pain. Matthew is always alone. Feliciano has tried to die. Romano can't stop making himself bleed. Ivan can't stop taking drugs. Natalia has multiple personalities. Francis has been a rape victim. Tino can't stop burning himself. AU/OOC/Dark themes.
1. Chapter 1: Part 1: Poland

AN: Hello, really dark story here. If you can't handle self-hurt or are a wuss with blood and stuff like that, please don't read! I am warning you now so don't flame. I made them have the prologue all in one so it wasn't in like ten different parts. Here are the following pairings:  
Hungary/Poland  
Japan/England  
Tawian/America  
Prussia/Canada  
Germany/Veneziano  
Spain/Romano  
Ukraine/Russia  
Lituania/Belarus  
Seychelles/France  
Sweden/Finland  
Also, I don't own where I stand by Issy Higgins or Hetalia! I make no profit from this story.

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Chapter 1: Part 1: Poland

I yawned a deep sigh as I tried to curl up small as I could in my over fluffy bed. The multiple cushions and blankets and pillows I had piled all over it didn't really help my case.

My stomach grumbled loudly. I had to ignore it. I wasn't hungry. I wasn't. I couldn't be. I am hungry. Must ignore it.

I am strong. I am strong. I am strong. I am strong. I am strong. I am strong. I am strong. I am strong. I am strong. I am strong. I am strong. I am strong. I am strong. I am strong. I am strong. I am strong. I am strong. I am strong. I am strong. I am strong. I am strong.

I repeated my mantra in my head. I was strong and no one could stop me.

I tried to pull open my bedside drawer. It was stuck. Again. I tugged at it a few more times till it came out a bit for me to stick my hand in it at least I rummaged around in what I couldn't see till I felt my hand wrap around the pill bottle.

I pulled it out and uncapped it. I shook the bottle till a small white capsule that could easily be mistaken for a over the counter Tylenol I closed my eyes and breathed in and out slow as I guided my hand to the water cup on top of the desk drawer. I wrapped my hand around it and breathed out slow again.

I placed my hand with the pill next to my mouth and opened my hand and mouth at the same time and felt the small pill rest delicately on my lips. I took a drink of water and swallowed it down. It didn't taste bad or anything I just needed to sleep. I could feel my eyelids getting heavier every second.

I laid back down on my bed and let sleep easily over take me.


	2. Chapter 1: Part 2: England

Chapter 1: Part 2: England

"Hey there, Uni," Arthur said to one of his multiple invisible friends. Well, to him they were real anyway.

"Hi there, Arthur," Uni told him back, coming under his hand and nudging it with a soft touch. The soft yet bristly hair of Uni's blue mane made Arthur shiver under his touch.

"Where's everyone else?" Arthur asked the unicorn with a curious tone in his voice. His bright green eyes looked down into his friend who, under his look started to disparate.

"They...can't...make...it," Uni said as he started to blur like a hologram when te batteries started to die.

"Uni! Uni, don't go," Arthur told Uni as he continued to disappear.

"I'll...see...you...later," Uni said before final disappearing. Arthur started to freak. "Uni! Uni! Come back!" He called out to the air, sinking to the ground on his knees.

XxX (page break) XxX

The Belgian and her dutch brother watched the blonde sink to his knees while crying out to nothing.

"Who is he talking to?" The dutch boy asked his sister.

"I really have no idea," she said shrugging as they continued to watch him have a self-temputantrum.


	3. Chapter 1: Part 3: America

Chapter 1: Part 3: America

"Shut the fuck up you damn child!" Alfred's father said as he delieved a hard kick to the boy's chest, the breath being knocked out of him. He feel to the ground and his father delieved a hard kick to his jaw and the boy felt that familiar taste in his mouth. A metallic taste.

Blood.

Alfred spit it out, the blood making a stain on the carpet. Hopefully his dad wouldn't notice the new stain. It was a deep red color in the pristine white color.

After one or two more harse kicks, his father left him alone to wallow in his pain.

XxX (page break) XxX

Alfred took the small tissue paper wrapped object and started to unwrap it slowly. The silver of the blade glinted under the harse fluresent light of the bathroom light bulb.

Alfred took it out of the wrapping and lined it up with his wrist and slowly slid it along the skin, piercing it. Small red beads of blood beaded on the surface of the skin. Alfred tug the blade in deeper, the pain in his wriat desctracting him from the pain everywhere else.

Not wanting to do too much damage, Alfred put the blade up and rinsed the blood off his wrist, watching it go down the sink drain in a spiral pattern.


	4. Chapter 1: Part 4: Canada

Chapter 1: Part 4: Canada

"'Cause I don't know who I am, I am without you," Missy Higgins sung into Matthew's radio as he sat up in his room alone again. Just him and Kumajiro in his small attic room as he just read or sat with the music playing.

"Kumajiro, what am I doing wrong? Why doesn't anyone know me?" Matthew said, talking to his stuffed polar bear, not expecting an answer from it. He was just ranting to the air, since he had no friends.

"Why? Why do I have no friends?" Matthew couldn't handle the quite anymore. He was done!

Matthew screamed at the top of his lungs and took Kumajiro in his hands. The next second, he had Kuma's head in one hand and his body in the other hand.

What had he just done? His papa gave him that bear. It had been his only friend since papa died. Matthew placed his face in his hands as he wrapped himself in the fetal position, crying slowly to himself.

He couldn't bear his own pain. He was a screw up.


	5. Chapter 1: Part 5: Veneziano

Chapter 1: Part 5: Veneziano

"Whore!"

"Lifeless shit!"

"Fuck up!"

The kids yelled those names at Feliciano as he ran down the street. Trying to get home to where he could at least pretend it was safer with his twin and grandpa there.

Feliciano ran to his house and when he finally reached close enough he stopped to let out a gasp or two so he could breath again. He spied the bridge that he had been planning to use for a long time. Feliciano rummaged through his black backpack and finally found the note that he had written and rewritten to many times for him to count.

He stuffed it in his pocket and walked over to the edge, not caring that his bags and stuff sat in the middle of the road. He walked to edge of the bridge and looked down, a slight stream of water that ran over multiple rocks, was below him. It wasn't high enough to kill him really but if he fell on the rocks just right, he woul die. He knew he would.

Feliciano gripped th bars and started to climb over them, making it easier for him to jump. He let go of the bars for a final time before whispering goodbye to everyone in his head.


	6. Chapter 1: Part 6: Romano

Chapter 1: Part 6: Romano

Lovino rested the scalpel on his skin and pushed it in deep enough to draw out blood. The scars that adorned his chest were there and were always going to be there.

The blood started to pour out and Lovino quickly jumped into the shower, to make sure his blood didn't stain the floor and make grandpa worry. He felt the blood run freely down his chest, staining yet another pair of boxers.

Lovino ran his hand over previous scars, feeling thh indents in his skin. He removed his hand and saw it was covered in blood. The deep red ugly yet beautiful color.

Lovino turned on the shower tap as he felt his vision start to blur. He wasn't going to pass out. He never did. He never would.

The hot water stung his skin, going all the way deep to the deepest layer of his skins.

A couple more spots and Lovino slipped down, his conious lost.


	7. Chapter 1: Part 7: Russia

Chapter 1: Part 7: Russia

Ivan smiled, not a wicked one by any chance but a innocent looking one to his mother. He hated this bitch. He gave her one last smile before walking off.

Walking to his room, he grabbed his bottle of unlabled pill and a glass of water. He shook out plenty of pills and swallowed them all in one gulp, even proceeding to lick his lips afterward.

He could deal with the pain of his fucked up family life. Just only by one method. Drugs.

They were his favorite go to method for being alive and being here. He could exist in this world, he just needed an outlet.

Ivan rushed over to his dresser and after going through some clothes that were haphazardly strewn in the drawer, he pulled out his meth pipe. It had a slick feeling to it and that was one of the reasons that it was Ivan's favorite method. But he couldn't do it now.

"Brother I was-" His little sister said, bursting in. Whe she saw Ivan hilding his pipe, she screamed.

Oh crap, he was dead now.


	8. Chapter 1: Part 8: Belarus

Chapter 1: Part 8: Belarus

"Have a nice day. No get the fuck out!" Natalia told the young hoe who had bought a box of condoms and a pregnancy test. She hated people like her. Stupid fucking americans.

She and her family had come here from Belarus when she was barely a year old. She had lived in America almost all her life but hated it just as much.

"Natalia!" Her fucking boss called out to her. "Get in here now!" She sighed, wiping her hands on the apron she was forced to wear.

"Yes?" She asked, trying for her most calm voice with this man. He was so fucking annoying and a fat, lazy american like the rest of them.

"I told you to not talk to customers like that. That has been the fifth time this week, no bonus pay this month," he said to her, while not even looking at her.

That was it. She had enough of this man. She grabbed whatever she found on the desk which happened to be a plastic knife and lunged towards the man. She managed to get a good, pretty deep stab into the man's arm before he tazared her.


	9. Chapter 1: Part 9: France

Chapter 1: Part 9: France

Francis groaned in pain. His whole body hurt again. He tried to call out but his throat was sore. He could barely speak, let alone move.

Yet, he somehow managed to stand up, a limp in his gait. He walked over to the desk in his room where his cell phone lie. He picked it up before dialing his friend's number.

Bella picked up within two rings. He spoke those three words into the phone before his life changed forever.

"It happened again."

Those three words changed his fate for the good and the bad side of him.


	10. Chapter 1: Part 10: Finland

Chapter 1: Part 10: Finland

Making sure the fire was just the rigjt tempeture, Tino put the fire poker away. He pulled his sleeve up to make sure he didn't catch his sleeve on fire, before pulling the cigarette out of pocket, his father left them lying on the table again.

Tino placed the tip of it in the fire, burning most of it off as he pulled his shorts up, getting to his thighs. He sat down, his legs out as he placed the scalding end of the cigarette on his leg.

He screamed out in pain, like anyone would hear him. No one ever heard his cries. Cries of plea or not, they were never heard.

Burning himself a couple more times, he threw the cigarette in the fire, watching it go up in flames. The tobacco making a distinct smell in the room.

He looked at his wounded legs, covering in circular scabs and scars that were an ugly defiled color. Black, brown, purple, red, orange, every color could be seen in them.

Tino was disgusted yet fasinated at them. He never knew why he continued.

AN for all chapters: Okay, prolouge is done. Sorry I had to split it into two days but I hope you like. And what Finand does to himself is a real thing. Sorry again, if it disgusted you but this is where I aan let all my bad thoughts out.

Anywho, review please. Also, France's was short 'cause two real reasons. One, I didn't want it removed 'cause it was inapproaiate. Two, I really didn't know what to write for France.

And tell me if I should bump it to M 'cause it is so graphic. But there will be longer chapters and healing time in the next chapters.


	11. Chapter 2: Part 1: Poland

_Name: Feliks Lukasiewicz_

_Age: 15_

_Family: N/A_

_Diagnosis: Anorexia_

_Personal Background From what we have learned, Feliks grew up in a home with his mother but his father abandoned them. His mother died about a year later and he has been living with someone though her name has not been available yet. He seems to have deeply rooted psychological problems and that seems to be most of the reason that he is here._

_Medical Background: N/A_

Elizaveta sighed as she closed the one paged medical folder and stood up from the table as she dumped whatever was suppose to be food in the trashcan. She took her blue coffee cup and walked over to the desk where Gilbert and his younger brother Ludwig sat. Gilbert looked like he was going to pass out but Ludwig just looked like he always did, his stoic expression very evident tonight.

"Hiya, boys," Elizaveta said to them and Gilbert instantly shot up in his chair, as if to not look bad in front of his ex-girlfriend. Ludwig just sighed and pat his hand on his brother's back. He muttered a almost silent hello.

"Hi, Eliza," Gilbert said, using the old nickname he gave her a long time ago.

"Sleepy?" Eliza asked, pointing out the obvious. She even let out a yawn herself.

"Yeah, me and brudder were up all night trying to help these two new kids who have been admitted. Um I have someone named Matthew Williams and poor brudder here got Feliciano Vargas who jumped off a bridge," Gilbert said, waving his medical file.

"Poor boy, is he okay?" Eliza asked Ludwig who flipped open his thick medical file. He pulled out a couple of X-rays which showed serious bone damage. "It'll be a miracle if he doesn't end up being paralyzed. Plus his twin brudder seems to be freaking out but he isn't allowed to see him for the next 48 hours. Antonio has him covered for now."

"God," Eliza could barely mutter. "So what's wrong with your boy?" Gilbert asked her.

"Anorexia, I think. His file doesn't say much. It's barely even a page long," she said before Gilbert snatched it out of her hand and started to read it. After scanning it, his passed it to Ludwig who also read it. "Wow, there really isn't much on this boy," Gilbert said as he handed the file back.

"Yeah, hey watch my coffee, I have to go talk to him," Eliza said before standing up with the file before walking off.

XxX (page break) XxX

"So your name is Feliks, correct?" Eliza asked the boy who just stared at her with glassy eyes and proceeded to ignore her.

"My name's Mrs. Hedevary, but you can call me Elizaveta, okay?" She said trying to prompt conversation with the boy who continued to stare at her with that glossy look in his eyes.

"Okay, hey Feliks, would you mind taking some medicine?" She said, that seemed to get through him.

He shook his head in a defiant tone, his shoulder length blonde hair, swinging as his head swiveled back and forth. "Please?" she asked kinder but he kept shaking his head. She had to make some sort of progress with him. He had to take his medicine, what would work? Eliza asked herself before spotting the small window.

"Hey, Feliks, do you like the outdoors?" She asked him. He stopped shaking his head before whispering a small reply that had a slight accent to it.

"Yes," that was all he said.

"If you take your medicine, I can let you go outside for a little while. But you have to take your medicine," she said, holding out a small water cup and a little paper couple that held a pill in it. He took it gingerly and swallowed the pills. He looked at her with bright green eyes. as she stood up, her eyes meeting his.

"You have to give me a couple minutes but I will make sure you go outside," she said as she left, she walked to where Ludwig and Gilbert were sitting last.

XxX (page break) XxX

"Ludwig, you gotta let me out there," Eliza practically begged him. She wouldn't betray this boy's trust this early. Not ever.

"I said no," Ludwig said shaking his head.

"Come on little brudder, be nice to Eliza," Gilbert said to Ludwig and he scowled but opened the doors anyway and let Eliza go back and get Feliks. She ran down the hall, her small feet and shoes made clicking sounds as she walked to Feliks's room.

"Let's go outside," Eliza said to Feliks who was staring at his hands. He looked up with a smile on his pale and pasty face.

**AN: I hope this chapter wasn't that bad. Was way longer though! I so happy with myself but next chapter will come soon darlings!**


	12. Chapter 2: Part 2: England

AN: Mei is Taiwan. That's all.

Name: Arthur Kirkland

Age: 14

Diagnosis: Schizophrenia

Family: Half-Brother, Alfred Jones.

Personal Background: It seems that Arthur grew up with a mother and father, both who remain unnamed. He had a younger half brother, Alfred Jones who grew up with him till he were five or six. He father took Alfred away from Arthur which might have caused the first emotional scar, where he might have start seeing visions and hearing vocals.  
It is undetermined when his mother abandoned him but evidence shows that it might have been around the age of ten. He revealed that he had been living on the streets and he had no family or guardian to watch over him.  
He somehow might have gotten money and food from someone or somewhere because he was decently dressed and there were no signs of starvation.

Medical Background: N/A

"Where did you get this?" Mei asked Kiku as she handed him back the folder.

"Umm, the secretary she tord me that he was my new patient. I have to take his forder so I courd have information on him," Kiku told Mei he told her as he took the folder.

"And, I think I that poor boy's half brother," Mei told Kiku as she opened her folder to show him. She held out the paper and she showed Kiku what she meant.

"I see what you mean, Mei," Kiku said pushing Mei's folder back to her. He glanced at his watch, "I think we shourd go to tark to them now."

Kiku stood up without another word and bowing his head and walking towards the hall where Arthur's room was.

XxX (page break) XxX

"Herro, my name is Mr. Honda and I am your doctor," Kiku told Arthur as Arthur sat on his bed, arms folded not paying attention to Kiku.

"Whatever," Arthur turned his head away from Kiku and grumbled something under his breath.

"What was that?" Kiku asked Arthur but the boy continued to ignore him. "Did you take your medicine yet?" Kiku asked the boy who nodded his head.

"Who gave it to you?" Kiku said, trying to get some more conversation out of him. Arthur just shrugged in response, he was obviously not a talking person.

"Are you going to tark to me or sharr I just reave?"

Arthur turned around, his face holding a grim expression that shouldn't belong on such a young face. He start to scream at the doctor who looked at the boy in a shocked manor.

"You don't understand my problems. No of you bloody idiots do. I'm all alone! I don't have any family any more, they all died on me. I have no friends, no one trusts me. You don't understand my pain. No one here does, I should just crawl in a hole and die but if I did the hole might even reject me. I am such a freak. Just leave me alone!" Arthur shouted, scaring the man.

Kiku left the room without another word.


	13. Sorry Not A New Chapter

**AN: Hey you guys! This is Kaittylin and I hate to tell you but Delia ain't gonna be on for a while. She went to the hospital the other day 'cause she got pin worms. Yeah, disgusting but I hope she gets better, she asked me to post this and I did but don't expect update for anything for a while!**

**Well um hope for her safe get better and sorry if you all thought this was a chapter cause it ain't... But as soon as she'll be on she promises to update!**


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